he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
