my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
