my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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