just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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