drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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