She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
