he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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