This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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