I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
