I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize