You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
