i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
