Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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