I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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