i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
