the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
