His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
