He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
