How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
