he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
