I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize