I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
