I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
