Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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