i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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