you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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