Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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