Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
