Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
