As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
