singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
