And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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