You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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