You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
