I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
