Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
