Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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