when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
