yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
