once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As shirtless as possible
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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