The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
