zippers are such a cool invention
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
