and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
