I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
