You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
