o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
