Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
