You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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