make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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