I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize