I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
