Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize