i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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