he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
