His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
