it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
