Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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