You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
