Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
