Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
