Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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