I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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