We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
