i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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