That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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