A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize