so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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