glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
