I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
