did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
