How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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