we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
