I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
