I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
