The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
