Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
