Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
