so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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