I wish my penis had an off switch
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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