Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
