I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize