the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
