There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
