At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
