Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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