Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
