im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
