VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
