i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize