dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
