I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
