Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
