Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
