is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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