i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
