they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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