I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
